Intimate Partner Violence

Intimate partner violence: Intimidation, threats, or verbal abuse. Expand on what you know or how you deal with this matter considering almost one-in-every-four homes appears to suffer silently.

This is a subject that plagues many, not just women but there are even cases where men are the victims. with same sex partnerships on the rise, they are even affected by this situation. As a women who has been there and this is a ladies group, I will refer as though I am talking about the "normal" relationship.

They can make you feel like the most loved person in the world, they make you feel safe and like nothing could ever go wrong.

Until……..

I write this from experience & know that not everyone can get out in time & some are scared or even bound by religion & beliefs, but the resources are there for those who really want & need them. A lot of us need them but are very indecisive as to if we can go through with it.

Like many things in life, it takes the will power to leave that life behind. It also takes great strength & courage, knowledge & education.

Once you make up your mind to get out you have to be smart and get help from someone you can trust to help you. You may feel ashamed, but you have to let at least 2 other people know. If you tell someone, & you’re not sure they can keep your privacy in mind, they may not be the one to help. You must be sure that even he can’t break them should he show up to question them.

There are several types of abuse; mental, physical, emotional, & verbal, these are the most common in an intimate relationship. The hardest thing is to let go of the great feeling of intimacy that has bonded you to that person. They were so kind and loving, & never showed any meanness toward you. They made you feel safe & like they would never harm you in any way or let anyone else harm you.

I was abused in all areas. He made me feel insecure & like I couldn’t do anything right. I was depressed and basically lived in my bedroom, I only came out to get my kids ready for school, to go to the bathroom or to go out to take care of home & family business like grocery shopping or picking up my welfare check. He attacked my emotions till I really had none. This led to the mental abuse. Every conversation ended with a disagreement with name calling & words of hatred, and in which I couldn’t express what I felt or thought, or it would then get physical. Even after I found the strength & courage to leave, get away & stay away, I would still call him for his opinion about things in my personal life. It was like I needed him to approve of me.

When you realize, this is happening to you, then you need to make a plan to get out. Call someone, like a social worker or organization for battered women. The first step is realizing that you are in a violent situation. Know that it will only get worse, no matter how hard you try to change or please him.
Having a social worker or organization to help you is better than you trying to do it on your own. Even if you have money, you still need help, these people from these agencies are trained in helping you. Plus they have knowledge & access to resources that you will need that you either won’t know about or have a hard time getting on your own.

And if you have children, get out before it starts to affect them. We always look at the fact that the children need their father as much as their mother, but what exactly are they learning from a violent relationship between their parents. It will be tough but once you get out, don’t go back, and don’t fall for his right to see his children. You can worry about that once you’ve become stronger & have the courage to face him without intimidation.

To End My Story

I am totally secure and live a carefree life full of what I want. I do what I want, when I want, & where I want. And best of all, I no longer need his approval for anything in my life and haven’t for many, many years.
I am now happily married to another man who has for the last 17 years of my life, cherished me, and loved me unconditionally. He’s never controlling and gives me anything I want that’s within his reach. I’ve never been happier in my life.
The funniest part of my story is that when our youngest son passed away (he had said for years that it wasn’t his child), he showed up from nearly 600 miles away with his chest sticking out like he was the king. I mention this to say that even then he felt like he was in control. He had met my husband for the first time.

While he was polite & pleasant to him, he later said to me:

You really picked a good one, I like him, he’s nice……

My response:

Yes, I know but I don’t need your approval and walked off.

Thanks for reading my words, I hope they help someone out there who just needs that little something to help them along.

See Ya Next Time!!

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