The Dynamics of Sibling Competition: Understanding the Pressure on the Eldest
In many homes - not just limited to African homes, parents are faced with the issue of seeing their kids competing with themselves. Commonly, the younger one always tends to outshine the eldest; in my house, I'm the third born and I had one satisfaction then when I happened to achieve something far higher than my elder brother. Even if we both fail, if mine is 26% and his own is 10% I feel satisfied not minding if I fail or not. By doing so, there is a reflex sense of pressure on my elder brother to step up. For me, I saw this as unhealthy competition when I discovered purpose.
Before now, the issue of sibling rivalry started far back in the Bible history of Abel and Cain, Esau and Jacob, Joseph and his brothers, etc. In these situations, if the parents are fully watchful about what is going on amongst their kids, there is a tendency to lose them or bring up a separated home.
One of the outstanding things that fuel sibling rivalry in a home is when parents have preferences; when the dad likes the eldest over the other, it creates a home for jealousy and automatic competition in the household. Though in African homes, it is seen as a culture that the eldest sibling has a leadership role to play in bringing out the younger ones; and this role falls across being an example to them in character, excellence, achievements, etc. When a certain achievement happens to be seen in the younger siblings' life, instead of applauding for the child's success, it's creating unnecessary pressure on the eldest.
The new norm our family should see is that irrespective of how high the younger one goes in life, it doesn't change the fact that the eldest one is still the leader of the house. When this is recognized, the word "PURPOSE" will be defined. Purpose will not make our parents feel that the older siblings are overshadowed by the younger, rather, it makes them understand that everyone has his moment, and when the time is right, he will also "shine."
Moreover, in many cultures, particularly in Africa, parents don't give out the second child in marriage until the first child marries. This experience has caused many second born girls to lose their husbands because of this absurd custom. African parents often view the eldest sibling as a role model and expect them to excel academically, socially, and in various other endeavors. It is quite ok to think that way, but it is not a rule that things work out that way. It is not expected for the younger sibling to begin to excel, creating a sense of pressure for the eldest and making them feel compelled to maintain their status as the "leader" of the house.
In some cases, such competition serves as a form of motivation or discipline for the eldest sibling to work hard rather than being pressured. However, just to let us know - authority is not placed based on one's successes and achievements; it is beyond the narrative our African parents view it. You can be intellectually sound yet you don't have the quality of a leader. I'm saying this from experience - so one needs to be guided.
Going further, it's essential to recognize the potential danger of pressuring the elderly one to become greater than everyone. Healthy competition brings about growth and development, but when it results in pressure or comparison with other siblings, it affects the sibling relationships and there's a little tendency of coming together to achieve a common goal because one will feel oppressed over the other - which is a negative impact to the well-being. Also, it can cause resentment or feelings of inadequacy if they perceive their achievements as a source of tension within the family. So, it is expected that parents should play their part in making sure they build a positive and nurturing environment where siblings live in harmony with healthy competition.
Conclusively, when sibling competition results in pressure placed on the eldest sibling in an African home, it creates complexities in the family. By building mutual respect, and a celebration of individual achievements, families can create a supportive environment where each sibling can flourish without undue pressure or comparison.
Here is a post for May Inleo Prompt
This article is written in InLeo
Inleo is a blockchain-based Web3 community that builds innovative applications on the Hive, BSC, ETH, and Polygon blockchains. Our flagship application: Inleo allows users and creators to engage and share content on the blockchain while earning cryptocurrency reward
Posted Using InLeo Alpha
Sibling rivalry can be both healthy and unhealthy at the same time. One reason for this is the desire to gain parental approval.
Posted using Neoxian City
you have Just said the right thing, most of this rivalries among siblings is because of the traditions and customs that the family are trying to follow
I still don't like the fact that the seniors have to get married before the younger ones, causing delays in the lives of the younger ones, I feel this particular practice should stop, personally, I will get married whether my elders are married or not, that's the deal, nothing concerns me😊