Let Go

I am getting old. This morning while brushing my teeth, looking at the mirror, the first forthcoming thought to my frontal lobe was, "why are my hairs going white"? Here I am, only 24 years old, whose wisdom teeth still didn't come out, but the hair is starting to look as if it's taking the black and white theme of classic noir cinemas a bit too seriously. This isn't suppose to happen, is it? Not when I haven't even crossed the median of Bengali men's average lifespan threshold. But, I guess it is what it is!

Like that, the many things that aren't supposed to happen when you keep your head down trying to get by still keeps happening to me. Only A few Autumn ago, I was trying my luck out in creative cinematography in hopes of becoming the next Hoyte Van Hoytema, but here I am writing about it and I'm not even a Hoyte! At the same time, those ambitions that once piqued my interests are entirely dissolved and nonexistent nowadays.

My first debutante work behind a camera was as a screenplay writer. I wrote a fair amount of scripts, most of which will never see the daylight because the unsavory route my fate always seems to follow after. But back then, I was as dedicated to cinema as is a horny male parrot to its counterpart when its trying to procreate. Such was true for the whole of my team! I mean, it would be fair to say that we breathed, ate, and slept on cinema! Chasing after the great minds, doing all sorts of experiments with camera. We were in a great tempo up about when our director thought it was a good idea to try his luck in romance with our only lead actress! As if we needed to stay true to and on par with the generic Hollywood culture and create unnecessary controversies only to fuel PR. While my respected director was having the time of his life, swimming with poise in the sea of love, the others, including me, only sank to the bottom.

His love, too, didn't last long, as it is with love triangles. She had found security in the palm of a prolific and decorated army major, while our director found salvation in being the face of hardcore bachelors….. Cough… losers,, what!:VV

And then, standing on the sidelines, looking at the failed lovers and learning from them, I too thought I was immune to such failures, up until it happened to me! Now I was the guy flying with poise in love-stricken air!

Holding hands in a pretty rooftop of the worlds most populated city, her first question of intimate manners was

Why are your hairs white?

I lowered my sunglasses, pouted like Ben Stiller did in Tropic Thunder, and replied in the cheesiest way possible...

Because, I think too much about our future love!

At that moment, if only I knew that years later, this sentence would become my kryptonite, I would have sewn my lips together then. If I were to get famous and somebody made a biopic about me, I can't think of someone else who would impersonate me better than her! Why not! She has been practicing it for so long now. Making fun of me in front of her friends:( Now we are in good terms, more than ever, even better than when we were fooling around. Except from time to time, she would set me up for failure by repeating that one helluva fucking ugly sentence:( Mind you, I'm still in love with her laugh, but not with the maniacal one she bursts out into after she says it over and over again!

My latest encounter with Letting go of things is ironically not exactly my story. Instead, it is of the newest offspring of my sisters. The latest addition to my freakishly big family! This guy dropped out into the world, weighing close to 12 pounds! The whole hospital went into festive mode seeing the guy pop out into the world!

At the nursery, lying with the other infants, he looked as if he was plotting a coup against the midwives or something. Who dare ruin my oozy slumber! and then start fighting with their pacifiers! I can see him getting bullied or being the school bully who gets away with everything because he is too cute to be punished.

Why is this part to a story suggestive to the title of this post, you might ask! It's because this tiny yet big guy who stayed for so long in her mother's womb came out within half an hour! So yeah! Or presumably, I'm just trying to make this post a little longer:V

Such is the story of my life. Tried to become so many things that sometimes, while trying to trace back to the only passion of mine that ticks for me the most, it becomes blurry and I get all lost in the cloud of valueless nostalgia which I don't want anymore. Some might say I am a coward who quits on things instead of facing them, but what can I say, I am an avid listener of the song Let her go.