We're All Heroes, When We Choose to be Survivors 💪
Not so long ago I was witness to a conversation between a mother and her adult child, where the child got so fast angry at minuscule critiques of the parent. The grownup child even accused the parent of maybe not having a partner, because of the mother's parenting style; that it affected the way the adult treated (potential) partners. I have also had my fair share of struggles with my parents and especially my mom, so I knew where the adult offspring was coming from. But on the other hand I also empathized with the parent.
Having had strict (Asian) parenting when growing up, where there was a lot expected from the children regarding education and standing/acting in society, I have endured enough scolding and criticism from my parents and had to hear how disappointed they were in me. When I was younger I took it all in and didn't speak up, as that would've been seen as an act of disrespect. I'm not saying it was all bad though; I have fond memories with my family and my parents were/are proud of me, even if they don't understand all of my own decisions and wouldn't agree to it if it were up to them. And I know it came from a place of love as it was all they knew, because they were brought up in the same way or even worse.
The only downside to all that was that I hadn't realized then, that it made a dent in my self esteem and that it resulted in me distancing myself from loved ones around me, I became irritable and I pushed people away. I got so angry at a lot of things and most of the time I didn't even know why, until I got some help and learned a lot about myself. I even learned how to express myself, as I used to hold everything in with an angry outburst at the last drip. I learned to say no and how to communicate how I felt/feel in a constructive manner. My parents didn't have to understand or didn't have to agree, but they needed to respect my choices.
It was then that I opted out of playing the victim and stopped blaming my parents for the way I felt about myself or the things I wasn't too happy about. I forgave my parents and I accepted that they are also just human beings, who don't always know it all. Now that I'm at this point in life and have a pretty decent relationship with my parents I have never felt so free and so at peace. And that's the power of changing your mindset from that of a victim to that of a survivor: let what you have no control over be, take charge of what you can control and forgive yourself for your own faults as you are also just a human being.
If you've had any sort of experience like mine or a different one, I would like to know if and how you've overcome it, as we may learn from each other's experiences 😊.
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STOPCheck out the last post from @hivebuzz:
This absolutely resonates with me. It's often easier to blame others for our issues, unfortunately it doesn't end up helping us.
My sister and I were failed by our parents in some things I'm not going to go into. Both of us at one point went through a stage where we blamed and resented them for those failures. Ultimately, like you've said, only we ourselves can do anything to change our emotional situation and we both healed and moved on. While I won't say I'll ever have a trusting relationship with my parents, we remain fairly close and I have long forgiven them for their mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes in their lives and if you can't forgive someone else there's, then why should anyone then choose to forgive you yours. It makes no sense to continue what is essentially only punishing yourself in the long run.
!ENGAGE 20
Ah, thank you for sharing your story... I know it's not easy to talk about past bad experiences. I am even weighing when I'm thinking about sharing stories from own experiences. I'm not afraid per se for being judged, but some things we as people want to keep to ourselves. But when I do decide to share things, is because I want to let people know that they are not alone.
It took a while for me too, to realize I had to let go and eventually to forgive. But it made the bonds with my family even stronger I would say 😊
ENGAGEtokens.I very much understand where you're coming from. I still dream a day will come when my parents visit me in Cambodia, which would be a major breakthrough. I guess if it was going to happen, it would've happened during the 10 years I lived there. Like you, I've realized it's best to let certain feelings go and keep movin' forward. !wine
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Hmmmm sounds so familiar...
I remember when I had expected certain things from my parents and it didn't happen, I felt so hurt and alone. But when I brought it up they said they didn't know, so that's also how I learned to ask and not just expect things to come naturally. And of course some people do ask and don't receive from the people they expect it to come from. I am empathic to those.
Just like you said "let it go" and who knows you might get it from someone you totally didn't expect it from.
Bless!
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.