RE: The Stench Of Living In An Unfair Episodical Awareness
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It's hard to come up with what to say. There are many things I want to say but I don't know how they will be read.
For what it's worth, I think many people suffer many kinds of different pains, and many are doing their best to just distract themselves or find themselves in denial. But neither of us is that type I think.
I know you suffer on multiple fronts. I can't say what will work for you but the only thing that ever works for me is facing any harsh reality (though they may be less harsh than the ones you experience) and especially all the fears surrounding them, the implications they have for the future and all that....and then just seeking whatever kind of pleasure and enjoyment that I can, while always keeping the intention of being a decent person, and not judging myself when I mess up a little.
Crying is good if you can feel some release of the negative feelings. Smiling is good. I hope you can do a lot of both.
Also, no one really understands. It's ok. We care though. At least there is that.
That's exactly the thing. It's hard to come up with what to say sometimes. It hurts because he was a struggling young boy who was finding it hard to go by. He didn't deserve it because he was a good boy. Why then should it happen to him? Having all these unanswered question keeps the wound fresh and there's no way to dismiss this because it made no sense.
It's not even able shedding tears anymore, it's finding a way to look at life with that same view again, it's impossible.
Thank you for your kind words, I know you care a lot.
I feel and hope and believe that the lives we are living are only a part of the picture, and that there is much much more. I like to think of this world as Super Mario, I am the Mario in the game I am playing, but then there is a player that I am mostly unaware of that is also me. I don’t think this is incompatible with a Christian idea of heaven. In any case, I feel rather confident that there are no permanent goodbyes, although shape and form may change. Have you tried talking directly to him in your prayers? Is that permitted in your faith?