Not in Mood
I consider myself a socially awkward person with an extremely restrictive attitude about whether to open myself up or not. This something that I don’t boast about, but, yeah, this has some privileges— not everyone (especially those who are annoying) wants to get around you. And I enjoy this specifically. But sometimes I wish I could be more extrovert, mixing with all regardless of occasion or situation-on-demand.
To be honest, I tried, but no luck. Even though I kick off my extrovert halo and join the party, soon it turns into solitary confinement amidst the crowd— shrink myself just after a few minutes as I have issues with communication with whom I don’t know or not comfortable with. But I noticed it’s not the issue of comfort, rather, it depends on my mood and I have full authority on my mood— it swings immediately if I want it to— such a moronic power I have here. And sometimes I suffer a lot, still, cannot get rid of it.
For the last few days, some of my close friends and family members have been trying to reach me. They are calling on my cell and as I am just not in the mood, I’m not picking up. It’s the weekend, so, no job so far. I planned the whole week to talk to them as usual, but, not happening. There’s a reason? I don’t know and cannot figure out any— what I know is I’m not in the mood. Isn’t it bullshit?
Yeah, I know. But I cannot change myself overnight. I understand I should try. Maybe I will. It’s just not today. That’s what I thought till this morning when I decided to swipe that green icon— hello, what happened, we’re trying to reach you for days……!
Oh, well, nothing…I noticed the call but couldn’t pick it up.
That’s it— ice is broken. Then it came to the main point. There were some serious issues where my participation was needed. It’s not that things wouldn’t happen without me but I could make it a whole lot easier. But by the time I turned myself in, it was almost over. Hurriedly, I tried to reach out to them in need, but, now they aren’t available.
See? That’s how I suffer for my ‘moody’ thingy. Just like that. But I know I could solve the issue just with a phone call. Only if picked up their phone right on time. Now that things are messed up, isn’t ranting about it useless?
So, what should have been done?
Getting out of my decade-long characteristic and paying attention to whatever I come across? That might be the best choice I can make right now but what about the fact that I don’t like to be interfered in my way of living? Quite a dilemma I’m in. Thinking won’t be a possible solution but acting is— before I ran into such issues and gradually made things worse with my dear ones.
So, any suggestions folks? Things to note before you speak, I kind of like to keep my distance and am already in love with my sort-of-solitary life. What I need is a balance between these.
Photo by Yusuf Evli on Unsplash
There is your answer <3
"Turned myself in"
So this was not love. It was the sensation/feeling that you were being hunted. Who would want to pick up, my friend?
Sorry you had a day. Some days we have more resilience than others to deal with family and whatever. We're taught that family is the big bond; blood is thicker than water and all that... but when our family carries multi-generational trauma, and less healthy behaviour because of it, and it hurts us by rote... we need to maybe see it clearly and know it isn't "us".
I found this helpful to accepting the less healthy dynamics and side-stepping the sometimes hurt more easily.
Not sure if I'm on target here as all is open to interpretation.
I do know your mind a bit and it's a good one. And rare in it's courage and open-mindedness. Sometimes, people like us just don't fit in much :D
I think we may scare folks a bit, actually? 🤔
Yeah, it was a bit of turning myself in, like always. Not that I'm unloved, it's me who rather feel I'm not loving them enough, or, in my view, I love them that way— from a distance. Apart from loving my family and friends, I also love my personal space and don't want it crowded with others when I am feeling down or just not up for it.
I'm scaring them the most :D
My family always complained how I always keep distance and not 'sociable' even after 'growing up.' Although they learned to accept it, sometimes they burst out as in my society I am expected to step in at every situation— but look at me, I'm still evading them, not purposefully but it is happening anyway.
Well perhaps you're just you and I like you like you
:)
I’m glad you know that you cannot change overnight but make sure that in the process of you trying to be an extrovert, you don’t get to mingle with people who are going to be intruding in your privacy and stuffs like that
I'm not sure I want to be an extrovert, and I don't see why I have to be one. If being sociable is the thing, I am already, but in my own way. Going above the bar would be a disguise for me, and not sure if I'm good at that either.
And of course, I hate someone invading my personal space; even if it's the dearest one.
I'm also like that, a deeply introverted and socially awkward person, hate a high stimulus environment. But I'm learning to step out of my comfort zone and put myself in those social situations that make me uncomfortable and by doing that I awaken the sociable part of me. Maybe that's what I'm advising. It might be difficult at first but with time you will start being yourself completely when amidst people. I hope you are able to overcome this social barrier so you can live without an encumberance. Thanks for writing and have a wonderful day.
In most cases, I don't care how society reacts. Fortunately, I'm not into something that goes ''against'' social ideology, so, they can mind their own business while I'm minding my own. Still, I understand there's something that serves the common interest, and I prefer approaching them in my way— although it doesn't always result in the best reaction, it serves my personal self right. Thanks for your knowledgeable opinion, I'd consider them if such situation ever arises.
Ya think you and my wife are spirit animals together hahaha. She is tired talking to lots of people but for me that’s the beauty of life! We are social beings for sure! Hopefully you find a balance and can get to a place where you can take those calls without needing to hide from them.
Good to find a like-minded soul out there, yay! Actually, I'm not tired of talking to people, rather I'd say, I'm eager to talk more but only with people understanding enough. I have a few friends with whom I can communicate even without speaking a word, it's amazing how we understand each other and share common interests and I am always in mood to talk to them but there are some people I consider strangers although we communicate regularly, for them, my mood never gets activated. It's just a complex mechanism that I don't have any explanation; hope your lovely wife has some, if you get to know them let me know :D
I appreciate your time reading and adding value here, thank you very much.