Up Again.... Today.
I've been feeling a lot of discomforts lately, my eyes are itchy (from the tears I think), my back hurts a lot, then my waist too, I've had some ibuprofen, but the pain didn't budge, so instead of pumping more ibuprofen, I decided to let the pain stay.
It's become somewhat numb, and a bit dull and close to my spine (not to worry, it's a familiar pain) I think it has intensified over the past two weeks because, somehow I feel the pain I'm feeling up there generally transcends and correlates to the physical one I'm feeling.
It's not life-threatening, but it's niggling, and things like swerving or moving create the constant reminder that there's pain there. I'm no stranger to pain, I let this one stay because I'm still severely hurt from my only brother's passing
Inasmuch as this isn't pleasant to my body, it feels too hard to let go, the normal statement would be "Let it go, life continues and all that" but pain is distinctive and sometimes people need to individually feel it on their own to understand the impact of loss and why mere words will not change its impact.
Surprisingly, I've gotten a lot of love from old-time acquaintances, childhood friends, and all. At this juncture, it's not a surprise anymore to know that hard times separate people from people in your life.
Some people might never learn these lessons; that some friendship in life is fleeting
It's based on making money, chasing goals, and nothing sentimental or emotional, and the moment you begin to experience a decline or go through tough times, this is when you begin to understand that people are too busy in life to be vested in raising you. No concerns, life lessons hit hard with each hard time you pass through.
Just yesterday I was 19 and enjoying life to the fullest. Today I'm 30, and the downward spiral that has followed is unimaginable. I'm learning again, it's a pity that it took the loss of my closest relative to learn another lesson.
I've been vested in studying a lot, maybe I should have chosen to be a medical personnel, just like I could have when I was 13. Don't blame me, I'm talking a lot of jibberish at the moment. It's typical of anyone who is going through pain and regret: wishing they could change things, rearrange reality, and turn back the hands of time.
The crises of thoughts hit differently every morning and night, I have these episodes where I completely zap off and switch, becoming unaware of my immediate environment and completely lost in thought. I'm trying not to blame anyone or any situation for my loss.
In my quiet prayerful moment, I always hope for grace, so as not to become resentful, hateful, or regretful
I'm trying not to slide into that rabbit hole where I begin to share the blame and lose myself in the process.
The pressure I'm currently going through is unimaginable, and it's enough to lash out. I've been channeling all that energy to watching movie trailers, skits, and memes and of course...... writing out my heart.
The mental pain will definitely ease, but the arduous torture and strain might remain.... I'll not fight it, I'll let it stay. Once again, accepting that reality hurts can be vain. I'm beginning to lose any expectations I might still have in my mind, I think this will be instrumental to knowing where I stand when my healing journey comes to an end.
Interested in some more of my works
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Thank you
Now, this is a good therapy Joe and I hope you will keep doing them until you feel a bit better.
One thing I know is that with time, you will heal from this emotional torture
About the physical pain you are experiencing now, I am so sorry... taking ibuprofen is okay but you should eat well please to avoid ulcer cos ibuprofen goes with eating well...do you even have the appetite to eat nowadays? You will be alright big Joe 🧡
Could the back pain not be related to his passing, perhaps?
And I'm so sorry for your loss :( <3
Pain is inexplicable, sometimes it's queer where it affects the most
It's awful being in pain daily. Been there :( It really wears a person down.
Back pain some of the worst because of the mobility issues.
It might be interesting to map out what's happened recently when it appears and when it disappears?
It's underlying, it's not a pain that's unfamiliar. It only intensified because of my emotional state
Oh I hear you. That's how it rolls!
I hope it all passes for you soon and you find some peace, my friend.
Take it easy 🌼
I admire how strong you've been. No word can heal better, but time will and you'll still rise.
Thank you, I believe.
Apologies I missed such a tragic post and my deepest condolences for your loss.
I'm at a loss for words, mate.
Don't go AWOL, keep writing and posting and do whatever you need to do to manage the pain.
Just never forget, you're never alone.
Thank you for the well wishes. I'm at loss for words too, it was unexpected. I can't seem to go AWOL, apparently, I need that sanity of talking about everything I feel. Thanks a million
You are doing great, under the circumstances and can be proud of yourself ✨🤍✨
Thank you, I'll keep making efforts
Keep taking little steps and take all the time you need
and try to be kind to yourself.
You're not talking gibberish
I understand the kind of pressure that you are going through and it is normal for you to act like this or even more than this so just chill so that you will be able to figure things out.
Pray to God and you'll be good
Thank you, I appreciate.
I truly hope you heal. It'll be nice to hear you talk endlessly when I call. It is hard, and the pain won't leave in a flash. It will stay and become a memory that is worth cherishing.
Please, be fine. You have to be fine. Just be fine and be well.
Well it's not leaving anytime soon, I can already tell, but what can I do? It's a long road for me, and everything has completely changed.
We all have different pace we have to take to heal. Find yours and walk towards it.
Things will change because change needs to occur for us to grow. This is not a pleasant change,but you will grow. It is well. Just be fine.
Thank you, I appreciate
You are welcome 😊
I’m truly sorry to hear about the pain and loss you’re going through. Your reflective writing is a poignant reminder to cherish every moment and connection we have in life.
Thank you. I love reflective writing, but my brother's passing has made me spend less time on the chain, and more than on the sideline, grieving. Thanks for your kind words.
The pain sucks but I do think that you writing down your thoughts will help. It will take some time but you will move on. Life goes on and I hope you get better soon.
Well writing down my thoughts helps, my head my burst with all that melancholy Inside of it. It can be excruciating.
Oh wow, life has thrown so much at you this year and am glad you are writing your heart out. Your strength is amazing amid all the pain you are going through. It's not easy so I thank you for sharing and keeping us updated on what you are going through. Unfortunately healing will take time and no amount of words will ever be enough. It is difficult now but it will get better :}
No amount of words will take care of everything. I just want to show up everyday, take it easy as well as try my best to keep thriving. I know it takes time.
Sorry about your loss man. I did not know, haven't been scrolling through my timeline. May God give you the fortitude to bear the loss. I understand these phases. Time heals all wounds. Stay strong.
Thank you, of course, I understand. I appreciate. It's been a long road, I haven't been able to talk about anything other than my grief, so.
When these troubles and sorrows come in life like this, a person is worried for some time, but slowly when time passes, a person works hard on himself again and returns to his life again.