Time: Ticking Anticlockwisely
I decided to check in with my different
work ventures today, not because I wanted to make money, but because I was trying to see if I could get my life back on track, sadly, it seems I'm not ready to accept my new reality, and it feels like the pain is only beginning. It's surprising how life can just suddenly change.
In January, I was bubbly and hopeful that the year would turn out very well. I made plans, and set different goals and aspirations of how I wanted the end of the year to be for me.
However, two months to the end of the year, I've experienced the most devastating and irrecoverable loss of my life. I've been slowly ebbing away, drowning in the pool of my own pain. Everything I try to do feels like a bandaid. Talking to people hurts even more, contrary to what everyone is saying.
It's hurtful talking to people because it's difficult to strike a conversation without my new reality impacting the outcome of that conversation. Life is colorless when the people you love are no more, it feels like every dream, and every aspiration is just vanity.
It's surprising how we can be full of ambitions and aspirations without knowing what tomorrow might bring.
One of the biggest weapons of man is hope and the ignorance of tomorrow.
Knowing that life drops the bomb on anyone at any time, might just take away the bliss or beauty of living. Just like me, my health is a very big issue, but for so many years, I've beat the odds and lived a very decent life traveled around, met pleasant people, and tasted great food.
Good health or not, I've taught myself to enjoy every moment, set my mind to accomplishing the unthinkable, and all these have been because of the believability of hope, and the expectations of tomorrow for myself and my family, but at the moment, it seems as if that hope has been taken from me and the only thing that remains is the fear of uncertainty and despair.
For 3 weeks, I've found it difficult to get my life back on track, not that I tried, because everything now seems like futility. The people who are encouraging me to shake off the disaster of my brother's passing seem to have tired, and why not?
There's no motivation that is ever uplifting, and most of these people seem to have silently stopped because it's not working. It's unbelievable to see how life moves on irrespective of how unbelievable a tragedy can be.
For me, it seemed that everything around me had moved on, while I was still holding on, unable to accept this reality. This is proof that pain is perceptive, life stops for people who cannot accept reality.
Their jobs, business, and ambitions stop, while life continues gracefully and everyone gets back to how life was. I feel that a lot of people are indifferent about loss, and this is because they've not personally felt it.
The only way to really pay attention is when your reality resets as a result of the impact of pain.
In reality, the degree of impact is often dependent on closeness, and while I never expected that such a thing could happen in my family, the more it's difficult for me to accept and move on.
While I believe that no one can relatively know my pain, I feel that everyone eventually knows and understands it, the only difference is time. In reality, time plays a role in how differently we feel pain.
For my only sibling: young, healthy vibrant, and had a full life in front of him. Having all that snatched away without accomplishing anything or truly making any impact is why the pain hits differently. Nowadays I feel more fragile.
For someone who felt some level of mental toughness, I only realized that this toughness was built on hope, and nothing else. Now that hope is taken away and all that is left is fear and insecurity. I'll keep showing up. Everyone is emphasizing time, but it feels like it gets worse by the day, maybe my clock ticks anticlockwisely, maybe not. The truth is that something has given inside of me, and this is something that time might not take away.
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Low key I love the watch in the picture
Yes, original picture... Thank you
Welcome dearest new friend
I have experienced the loss of a loved one. I felt the pain so badly that it took me years to heal psychologically. Sometimes, I feel like I am going crazy. All my dreams were full of my dead younger brother. I woke up to sadness each time. However, time healed me. I believe that with time, you will be healed as well🥰😇.
Thank you, and thank you for the words of encouragement, online and offline 🙏🙏🙏
Time. It passes by in a way we don't care to understand when we are met with loss. Everything hurts, and time runs. Nothing matters to us at this moment of our loss. No words can put us right on track.
I am not tired of listening, reading, and understanding. We all heal differently.
Yes, this is true. I can't stop expressing my thoughts though. Maybe with time I will. Yet, I find it freeing to always come around to empty my thoughts and pour out my fears.
You should. Do as it pleases you. Let your emotions out.
It's sometimes funny how we plan alot for ourselves and we endup being unable to fulfill all.. Truly life has it own way of paying or rewarding us because we do not know what the next minute of life entails.
It's why I want to just live life without to much expectations or planning for anything.
Yeah, because after planning, we get another thing which life has in plan for us. So that's why it's good to take life very carefully and slowly.
Life give to us sometimes what and when we don't expect and it is quite surprising that we as humans always find a means of overcoming the hurdles of life when it comes
Yes, very true
Sorry for your loss bro, just that sometimes life can be frustrating, but we just have to take it as we see it
Thank you
I understand how losing a love one can hurt. Healing from such pains requires time. For some, it might take weeks, for some it might take months while for others, it takes years, anytime we heal, we grow. Take your time to heal.
Time is relative, the closer, the harder, circumstances surrounding the demise makes healing almost impossible and difficult
Let yourself grieve. it is the least you owe yourself. Let these ancedotes help you find your way back to the light. It is not an easy feat but you can do it in due time. The pain never goes away. You just learn to deal with it eventually.
I've been doing that everyday, but it gets worse, knowing I'm the only surviving one scares me a lot. It's deeper than grieving now. Being caught up in life's uncertainty, while grieving is a terrible place to be.
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Thank you
Life is unpredictable. Things may be sweet now and in the next minute, everything will be frustrating
I just hope that the best thing happens to everyone of us
True indeed
This very powerful and full of accuracy but, it sounds like you're too hard on yourself. Well, maybe I totally understand. The supernaturality of life is more than what we take it for. This is a world where someone who planned to buy a Mercedes-Benz tomorrow ends up getting dead before the next morning. Yeah, trust me sometimes it feels like money is vanity, other times it feels like building and hardwork is absurdity. These are the illusion and the initiation of the spirit of failure and backwardness.
Dear Jose, the reason why it's hard to forget isn't because of the loss alone but because you feel this is the wrong time. Yes, you're curious, you need an answer, you kept thinking this is coming very quickly. Obviously, you know death is inevitable. The easiest way to be safe is by accepting the new reality. Everything in the universe is full of forces. Your thoughts and thinking are forced. The more you ponder, the more you find clarity. There are some clarifications that should be given up on. Yes, because the more you open the more you get hurt.
You're a strong man dearie, I can see you as the future of our generation. I see you with the key of some impossibility. Stay focused and keep building.
For me, it really isn't. As a very hardworking person you need a reason and a purpose to work. It everything in regards to people you love are no longer there. The purpose of working hard makes no sense anymore. That passion or drive is taken away from you, life feels colourless. But then again, it's only true loss that makes people experience this much pain.
Thank you for the kind words, I appreciate everything, and how you've always taken your time to write me back and encourage me. I appreciate everything
I have been there before, maybe my understanding is in totality. Time heals! But I know you can be fine. 😊
Ohh no, it's nothing. Stay strong and happy sir.
Sorry for your loss. I still have quite a few people that I love in my life so I don't know exactly how you are feeling. I hope you will recover soon from this
Exactly, the experience is personal, so it makes the pain unfamiliar. Thank you so much.
The future is uncertain, and that is what scares me the most. I am sorry about how things have turned out for you and how it feels like hope has been taken away from you, but don't lose what has made you strong to this point; we have nothing else to hold on to when the future is full of uncertainties. We can only keep trying our best and relying on this same hope that "all will be well.".
Not that I want to preach to you, but in the Bible, Job lost everything, and God blessed him with twice as much as he had lost. My prayer for you is that you will gain twice as much as everything you have lost and find comfort in life. I pray for the best for you, brother.
Thank you for the kind words. Yes it's good to hold on to hope. For me, there's no such thing anymore. I've virtually lost everything at this point, and struggling to hold on is difficult. Family is everything, and when it's no more there, life losses it's essence, but then, thanks for the kind words.