The Point Of Futility
Some losses or occurrences make people rethink their investment or retirement plans. Just weeks ago, I was pumped up about the bull run, the future, retirement plans, and all that, but fast-forward to this week, everything doesn't seem to matter anymore to me. It's surreal how the orientation to chase after the good things in life seems to fade away when we come in contact with some of the harshest realities of life. 2021 seems to have been the most productive year for me in recent times, and how everything changed seems questionable.
For someone who loves to cook, work, save, chase ROI, and plan for the future, everything just seems like mere futility to me nowadays. It's not like I haven't been taking care of my health, but with the tragic passing of my brother, I'm just beginning to think that life eventually happens to people, either good or bad, no matter how ill or well-prepared we are. Being blind to our future is a blessing and a curse, but sometimes I feel that when people come to terms with the eventuality of life, it will cause them to take some aspects of life seriously.
I'm hurt at the moment. I've never been this hurt all my life, I feel futile and a part of me is unwilling to persevere. From 2012 to 2017, I remembered all the risks I took just to make money, I was doing two jobs to take care of myself and my aunt if I begin to remember all the risks I took, sometimes I feel it's the supernatural intervention of God that kept me from any danger. Nowadays things are different, the internet brought a massive breakthrough for me, and I was thinking I'd set up my brother when the bull market eventually arrives, but then, this is no longer possible.
I'm hurt because some of the struggles we undertake are going to be futile and the most painful aspect is that we do not know this. A lot of people are depriving themselves of happiness, the gratification of satisfaction, and genuine rest, because they want to secure the bag, but sometimes, the thing we give off just to secure or guarantee the future is not worth it. Sometimes, the thin line between survival and extinction is the decision to do too much or do too little, and have our life, and sanity intact instead of giving it away to vanity.
My brother worked so hard and still, things didn't turn out the way he wanted and this has left me so hurt, I could have told him to probably stop giving too much energy to all that hustle, but I couldn't help but wonder if that hustle contributed to his underlying health issues. Sometimes I just wish he left all that hustle and enjoyed his life without having to bother about chasing or securing the bag. That burden of being successful must've hit differently and I'm sure it was too much to bear. I probably did push him to secure the bag too. If I begin to think about it, maybe I was just too harsh, but I used to take solace in the idea that I only wanted the best for him.
I wished I hadn't pushed too hard. I can't exactly tell. But the truth is, nothing is worth more than the life we have, not even the need to make money. I'm having a lot of regret at the moment, I'm hurting badly and I cannot even work, and I have bills piled up to take care of and the motivation to move on isn't there. I feel like a piece of me is gone, and I don't think I'll ever have the motivation to think futuristically or even the motivation to hustle. Life feels futile these days, and as a person who is dogged about goals and financial freedom, I cannot shake away the fact every effort one makes might amount to futility, especially since we cannot tell the future.
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm paranoid, but my life has changed and some of the present occurrences I'm facing are threatening to obliterate everything that I've come to learn and believe. Life happens to people, and these days my judgment of what is right or wrong is flawed and I can't seem to categorically say my assertion is top notch as before. I don't know the future, and if this can change I don't know how much it'll change. I'm used to loss, but this loss has left a huge dent and changed everything forever, but I promise to keep writing and reflecting.
Interested in some more of my works
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Personal Finance: Achieving Intentional "Saving" Goals
Playing The Survival Game: Human Nature In Introspection
"Un-PAYING" The Debt You Owe
I am so sorry you had to experienced life at some point in time, I am also sorry for the loose of your brother, just know that life happens, whether we work so hard or not, life will always happen. But the fact is, we don't have to let the negative phase of life deprive us of the happy moments. I hope you find a place in your heart to be free from the loose of brother, because I know wherever he is, he wants you to live and enjoy life to the fullest.
Nothing feels worth it anymore, not hustle, not working.....nothing at all. The thoughts of futility to all these is overwhelming. The pain is just more than a phase, it's my new reality now I guess.
It breaks my heart to read this and I am so sorry you have to feel that way, how about hangout more often, You don't have to conclude just yet, your new reality is to take charge of life and not allow life take charge of you.
There's no hangout, apparently when you're in a deep mess, this is when you realize how lonely you are.
You can only be strong as I pray God grants you strength and fortitude to bear the loss. The past three weeks made me realize life is futile, we chase what we do not know would be ours to enjoy, then I realized that good health is underrated and life is a precious gift.
There are times we need to take breaks, probably take more breaks than pursue the bag. Eventually, all is vanity as the scripture said.
True we must not be lazy but then, we need to appreciate ourselves and sometimes, let what will be will be IF our lives and sanity would be secured.
Once again, accept my condolences
The vanity is more glaring especially when the effort we give takes away ones health and threatens their life, I cannot say how this affected my brother, but he hustled in his own way, and he was severely unfufilled that it never worked for him. My perception about a lot has changed, maybe I'll blame it on the pain.
This is one of the imbalance of life that always make to think or ask the question about the real existence of living when all the struggle and hustle of life will end one day without we taking a penny out of this world. I really feel your pain bro and take heart for your loss am really sorry.
Thank you for all the kind words, I don't know where to begin from. There's no usefulness to all the hustles and struggles, it's too futile.
I am sorry for your loss but nobody can predict the future. Like I said before, I think you did everything you could with your knowledge. Could things turn out differently? It could but life continues onward no matter what we think. I hope you are able to overcome this sadness. As for hustling, that is something we all have to do if we want to improve our lives. Unfortunately, the entire economic system moves based on money and we have no choice but to go along with it.
Well unfortunately we have to pay bills even if the vigor or strength to do so is no longer there. Thank you for your condolences, I hope I can find relief to begin this journey again. It's been too difficult, the responsibilities have been unimaginable
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It's okay to feel this way because you are only a human and not spirit, but Joe, don't be too hard on yourself bikonu oohh?...it hurts, I understand the feeling and those regrets but like you said, you did all the pushing for the best of your brother and you don't have to keep regretting afterall no one sees the future. I wish you can just lose yourself,I wish you can find reasons to move on with a new mindset...if wishes were horses indeed... I am sure that you will heal with time and pls keep writing, it's a therapy on its own
Good morning
It's hard when people who surrounds you does not feel this way, when you lose, this is when you realize how awful the world can be. The comfort you need to move on is no longer there, that's the kind of people I have. Thank you for your condolences anyway, you've been far too kind.
I am really sorry for the loss of your brother and I believe it might be difficult coping at this particular time. Be strong my dear brother. Everything will be fine
I actually cannot count how many things I have done to make money. I have hustled a lot and most of my efforts were futile including online hustle
I'm glad that I discovered Hive.
Healing is a slow process and maybe now you find many things you did in the past futile and maybe you feel like living one day at a time (which is a good thing for now), but at some point, you will start planning and chasing goals again. You can never forget the experience you went through, it will mark you for life, but after the grief period passes and all the bad thoughts fade away, you will return to... life. Maybe not exactly the same as before, because such experiences change people, but being the goal-driven person that you are, you will probably still be drawn to that. Tragically, your brother is gone. But you are not! And he would want you to find your inner peace and keep going.
What a person thinks in life does not happen at all, as we have seen now that your brother has also left this world, we can only pray that there will be ease for him in the future because one day we will All people have to leave this world.
Take heart. I have been in similar shoes.
Tomorrow is not promised.