A Life Of Proposition: A Shift Away From True Reality
I used to think 2022 was a tough year, but personally, 2023 has been the toughest year of my life, and I don't think any form of grand finishing can alter or reduce the effect of what has happened in these 10 months, not even by one 1%. To be very honest, the year is practically done and I'm just waiting to gather the remaining pieces of myself and see how I can move on.
They say "Man proposes and God disposes".
This year has been a definition of this saying. I cannot believe that I planned my life with over 90% accuracy, I left almost no stone unturned, but I didn't think in my wildest imagination that I'd lose my only sibling. I could have probably planned... or at least made attempts.
I know it's difficult to avert death, sometimes..... practically impossible, especially with things like accidents, unsuspecting illness, and many other fatal uncertainties.
Sometimes people are caught up in their jobs, caught up in how to make more money, look more beautiful, save more, get married, and even chase more money, and probably forget that death could annul every of that plan. People are hoping for the best at all times, putting themselves in dangerous situations all the time and hoping to come out on the other side unscathed.
This is the beauty of hope.
Hope makes us forget the inevitability of terrible occurrences. I've been managing my health for all my 30 years of life and one of the things that has kept me going is hope.
I've won so many individual battles.
This has probably made me overconfident, but in the past three months, this overconfidence has become my undoing. Respectfully, I do not want to overly plan my life again, I think life is too uncertain for one to be placing 100% certainty in planning to the letter.
The mental exhaustion that happens when the unexpected begins to take place is nerving. I think it's not worth it. The dent my life has taken because of so many things that happened this year, it's a miracle that I can still gather my thoughts and pen them down.
Right now, I just want to make it to next weekend.
......planning more than 2 to 5 years is something I no longer want to do. I want to take my recovery seriously. I know that I need money to pay bills, but then, I only want to give off energy that corresponds to the immediate needs I have.
Of course, I cannot resist the temptation to talk about starting my own family from next year, I think I need that in my life at the moment. I've created a vacuum in my life, by chasing money and losing the reasons why I'm chasing it in the first place.
Now I don't have any. It's like chasing two rats and catching none. 2023 has dealt me a knockout in so many aspects of life, I'll carry the scar for a very long time, hoping I heal, live, survive, and thrive as I go. Of course, I will still make immediate plans, I just don't think I want to overdo it anymore, I want to hold on to the things that are immediately viable. You can say I'm experiencing a crisis; the impact of excessive losses. I don't know.
I just think life... the universe is a beast of uncertainty
....things happen and these things give us a bit of what reality is and burst that little bubble we've been living in. Our lives are a bubble, sometimes living in it, makes us ignorant of what is truly happening out there, but some people will be lucky, others will not. For me, I want to take it one step at a time, healing and finding peace as long as I can.
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The healing process is always painful... Self-reflection is good for re-grouping your strength and moving focus, but it adds more fuel to the pain as it forces you to SEE the REAL image... In the long term, it will help you a lot in your healing process...
All the best my friend! Stay strong!
Thank you, that is what I'm trying to achieve. Maybe I can find clarity and healing, even if I still knackered and dazed by this unbearable situation in my life.
Thank you for the kind words, I'm grateful
Life's uncertainties has a good way of imparting on to us the lesson(s) on how reality works. Achieving a balance between planning one's life and going with the flow of life can be hard imo. I prefer planning all the way to the end despite the high probability of it blow away by the wind. Going with the flow is less burdensome but I think it's not realistic enough in today's world.
It's exhausting. For someone in my situation, this has been the most hurtful and regrettable period in my life. I planned too much, I didn't take some minor but important things seriously, and they came back to bite me.
There's always somethings thar we overlook while planning but the good thing is that we can learn from those mistakes and do better in the future.
Only certainty in life is paying tax and death, everything else we need is within our reach to try live comfortably. Many events happen completely out of our control, take care, find balance from within.
Exactly, thank you for the kind words. and this is why I'm just trying to live one day at a time. A lot has gone out of my control this year and losing a 24 year old sibling wasn't part of the plan. But I guess I'll have to continue living with this
Plan what we able, much is out of our control unfortunately!
!LUV
!PIZZA
@josediccus, @joanstewart(3/10) sent LUV. | connect | community | HiveWiki | NFT | <>< daily
! help(no space) to get help on Hive. InfoLife can sometimes be extremely cruel and sometimes unexpectedly generous. We can't manage everything, hope to face the generous side more.
I can do a bit more with the generous side. It's been the cruel and wicked side for the past 15 months happening with me.
$PIZZA slices delivered:
@joanstewart(1/10) tipped @josediccus
I can’t say I understand how it feels like to lose an only sibling but I pray and hope you stay strengthened, life can not be predicted
Exactly, sometimes we truly do not understand. Human experience is the best impact. Thanks for the kind words
You’re welcome 😊
John Lennon quote "Life is what happens when you are busy planning other things" It will always put us in a tight corner. All we need do is to be stronger, keep re-strategizing and keep moving. One thing I believe in is that, as long as there is life, there is hope. I hope you get stronger.
I already that the healing process is always tough and hope does push me forward. It sucks to hear that your hope got crushed and I hope you find some new hope soon. I am sure you will be back soon enough. I do agree that we live in a bubble. We focus on what is right in front of us.
The new reality I'm faced with is sort of harsh, unbearable and unbelievable. I wish I can hold on to hope once again.
This year may be worse but it is amazing how the coming year will be better and you are going to forget everything about your struggles
Amen!
Hi Jose.
I would be lying if I said I can relate to what you are going through and therefore I do not have much experience in that to advise you otherwise. Although I am still the biggest fan of how you were giving life your best shot by planning it through and how you've lived your life so far witnessing it through your hive posts.
If you write down the list of how much has come out of your planning vs what you have lost out of it, you may realise that anything that was within your control, your long-term planning may have guided most of your decisions in taking one day at a time to overcome other uncertainties that never came to pass because of the planning and focus you had.
You mentioned managing your health for the past 30 years and that alone just made me wonder why God even chose to keep you this long, and would rather take the healthiest beings in just a second. And why even top your health challenges with all the losses and struggles that come your way? The only thing I AM certain of is that the level of trust God and the universe have in your strength and life purpose is really outstanding! The question is what they both plan to do with it and that is something only time will tell!
I am dropping you a big hug from me 🤗 and these two songs while you take one day at a time on this life journey. Keep up with your awesome energy, and wisdom in giving your life purpose the best shot and bear in mind that it is okay to feel broken sometimes, to ask the Man Above for answers when you feel conflicted and to take one day at a time.
Yes, it's quite difficult to relate with and I don't wish such situations for people I know. I know that everyone eventually losses the people they love, but for it to happen in unprecedented times is pure agony. In 15 months I've lost a lot, and my life has taken a turn that's rather tragic.
I've asked questions just to get justification or to feel relief or even get closure, but it still doesn't make sense whatsoever and I'm still bedeviled, puzzles and in disbelief. Let's say, I haven't accepted my new reality. It's momentus torture for me at almost all time. Of course, I don't want to seek clarity anymore. I want to pray... I just always have to pray, and then, leave everything
Thanks for your kind words.
God is the meaning of Life...
It can be quite overwhelming to seek justification when everything feels out of your control, Jose. The only thing you can control is allowing yourself to go through this phase without feeling the need to project a strong image. And do not shy away from reaching out to close friends when you want to express emotions that you can't put in writing. I wholeheartedly agree with you on always praying and then leaving everything to time to provide healing.
Wishing you some moments of peace and comfort as the week progresses!
Cheers, Jose!🌻🌞🤗
Thank you for everything and for the heartwarming feedback, I appreciate. I'll surely make sure to do take the time. Hopefully time can work it's magic. Thank you once again.