Random Thoughts

Most days, it is hard, hard to think about what to write because you have a lot going on in your head, and your mind is clouded with so much thought that creating content becomes a problem for you.

You just get your phone, and open your tab but all you end up doing is staring at the screen of your phone because you don't know what to write about. It feels different today, I am in between deciding to make myself happy or letting myself fall into the darkness that is about overwhelming me.

Is this how it is supposed to be, is this how it was meant to be? Distracting myself with everything to be able to enjoy the moment but the memories keep coming, it keeps plaguing me and keeping me where I do not want to be but I can not fight because I am weak and it has a stronghold on me.

Sitting on my bed and thinking about what to write that night but nothing keeps coming, I am confused and broken, and I do not know what to do with myself. Memories of thirteen years ago when days like this were always days I looked forward to, days of merriment and smiles all through the day because he was there with us.

It's been thirteen years without him, but whenever we are in this season, I miss and it still feels like it was yesterday he left us, snatched by the cold of death

This memory is taking all of my energy, it's sipping out my energy and subduing me to thinking in the direction it wants me to, it's making me crumble and weakening my knee from moving further. I do not know how to get over this situation. Here on my bed, thinking about what tomorrow will look like because today is about to end with no positive result. What do I hold on to in such a moment?