I Took A Long Break From Activities To Heal Myself

Hello...
Its been such a long time since the last time i write and i miss it so much.
Eventhough i miss it a lot, i miss it like crazy.
But in the past week, i took a lenghty break because i want to take care of myself, especially my mental state.
2021 is such a hard year for me.
I do believe that this 2021 is one of the hardest year in my life.
I have tried to hold on since the beginning of the year but kately i feel like its too much.
Its suffocating and strangled me to the point that its very hard for me to breathe.
I feel like i will die if i dont take care of myself.
No matter how strong i look like in the perception of everyone, i am just a normal human.
I have my weak side.
I cant be strong all the time.
So in the past week, i decided to take time to relax and just take care of me.
I really want to keep working and writing, especially writing because writing is actually one of the best therapy that i ever had.
But i dont even have any energy to that.
I try to put my guilty conscience aside of the need to write and work.
I will not do anything other than enjoy myself and my family.

Its all stared from two weeks ago.
I started having such a strange dream that always woken me up with tears on my eyes.
Not only that, i even sobbing and even wailing the first few minutes after i woke up.
The first weid dream that i had is when i dreamt of a baby, and in that dream, the baby’s stomach is opened and i need to pull out a black gel from inside the baby stomach.
The dream is scary and creepy, yes, but the thing is i dont know why i feel so sad and crying even after i woke up.
Its strange because i usually didnt cry over a scary and creepy dream.
I opened up my google and search what is the meaning if we dreamt about baby, then i found out it might be a good thing.
A baby can means that we will go through changes in our life and we will feel like we were reborn into the new bette4 us.
Now reading that, i start to mix it with the black gel thing that i took out from the inside of the baby stomach.
I will interpreted them as i took out the bad thing inside of me and reborn as someone new, someone better.

The next day, i dreamt of my late grandma.
In that dream, we’re just sitting next to each other and enjoy the time.
No talking whatsoever.
I woke up with tears again in my eyes.
Usually, i only dreamt of my grandma when i had a hard time.
That is actually the time that makes me realized that this is a sign of me not doing okay and should take a rest to fix the problem that i have been holding up inside of me all this time.

Anyway. I took break fromeverything.
From social media.
From my friends, and yes i didnt reply even one single messages of my friends.
From work.
From writing.

Now i am back and hopefully better and stronger.
I will work hard to fill the time that i have spent resting.