Dead and Finnished

gif by tenor

Have you ever wondered about the concept of death and thought about how life goes for the unfortunate lot who call themselves the dead?.

I know that some religions and even traditional worshippers believe that when people die, it is only their physical bodies that is affected, but their soul is still in some unknown realm chilling, drinking hot drinks, eating kolanuts, and if you watch Nollywood, you'll understand that they can still be hit by a car if they don't watch their steps on the road.

If you're African, then you will understand that they don't speak anyhow. For them to speak to you, you have to pull an eminem style rap culture where you just go on this impulsive speedy rap sessions, using a vocabulary that only you and the dead understand.

At intervals, you need to wet their throats with shots of spirit - by pouring it in front of their little 4ft X 4ft veranda - because it so much dries their throats having to listen to such glorious music from their intermediary.

But these things though does not apply to those people that died or were killed by people from Finland. Those ones are just finnished, they can't live again.

Talking about Finland, I used to wonder why they were comfortable bearing a name like that, then I found out that they're fondly referred to as "Land of a Thousand Lakes," with a total of 188,000 lakes in the country.

This means that they constantly commune with water, hence the need for the fin in their name.

I have it on good authority that if you take away the Fin in Finland, more than half the population will die of asphyxiation, thereby constituting more depletion of aquatic life and severe worldwide food shortage.

That is not to say that we eat finnished people though, before vegetarians start feeling threatened and begin to have seizures. I don't know why the cannibals are laughing though.

Before we leave Finland, I want to let you know that they have more saunas than cars in that country, and it's their preferred practice to unwind, socialize, and relax. So in lay man's terms, if I want to meet new people and socialize, I won't go to parties or social events, but instead, I'll go to a small warm room with a bathtub and fling my machine gun kelly around with strangers and exchange pleasantries to become friends.

With one hand shaking the dude fervently, the other cupped around my 9' kangkong, we exchange pleasantries and cumpliments like "damn, you're so manly".

And yes, same applies to dates with the opposite sex. I guess that's why they're so highly ranked in matters relating to gender equality.

Only if all gender equality activists thought along these lines, there would be absolutely no issue. We would all gladly welcome them with arms wide open, bare-chested, and with a foundation that's as hard as a rock.

Oh! Sorry, I've deviated so far away from the death topic because of Finland, now I'm feeling breathless having to go back to it. I guess this is the point where I say that I have finnished, that's with all due respect to those from Finland.