Similarities between my best friend and toddler

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Off late, I have noticed some glaring similarities between the rosy-cheeked, cherubic person who is my best friend and the handsome young lad who is a toddler and sometimes notices his mother.

1. It is very hard for them to give up the BOTTLE - If you've known toddlers, you'd know their addiction to the white liquid known as milk. So much so that doctors advise a rehab wherein the toddlers can throw a tantrum but will not get milk in return. The sound reasoning behind this is that if they have milk, their little tummies cannot accommodate solid food.
   Meanwhile, my best friend cannot give up the "adult" bottle. She throws a hissy fit if it is denied to her, which causes my toddler some jealousy. The doctor has stated that if she continues to partake in alcohol, her liver will not be able to accommodate solid food.

2. They cry a lot. You'd be surprised to hear that the world record for longest time spent crying is not held by a three-year-old but by a thirty-something woman with daddy issues who has been dumped for the 18th time and is now crashing on her friend's couch.

3. They are clingy. Try slipping out without these two, and then one of them will throw a tantrum, and the other one is a toddler. You cannot go anywhere without making it into a stealth mission worthy of an Ocean's Eleventeenth Part 2 sequel. If you are caught, then comes the barrage of questions: "Where are you going?" or "Why are you going?" followed by a huff from both parties and then an ominous "without me." This is followed by a wildly incoherent rant by the adult and mumbled curses by the toddler.

4. They like to "help" me and end up creating more work for me. The toddler has learned basic life skills like holding a plate, throwing spoons in the garbage, and eating things that are not milk. The best friend is pretty good with most of these skills, but both of them like displaying their skills, and it just leads to more work for me.
   The toddler finds my wallet and feels the need to hide it behind the sofa. My best friend finds my wallet and hides it behind the sofa to teach me a lesson about not losing my belongings. Le sigh.

5. They are possessive about me; I cannot dare to hold another child on my lap or talk to another friend for more than 10 minutes without receiving looks. Strangely, both of them have the same look.

However they also have another thing in common: I love them from the bottom of my heart; they light up my life and also stop it from being monotonous.

PS: I need a monotonous vacation.