TACKLING MY FEAR

It was here, in this community maybe, that I shared the story of how I had gone to an event only partly prepared(Which was no fault of mine), and had to do something I'dnever have chosen. Which was to engage in social activities.

Unsplash

I am naturally shy. Or maybe I can say that I've been unsocial for the longest I remember. I'd always stayed in the background. I assumed I thrived better that way.

Public speaking gives me anxiety. I don't care if it's to speak to a young group, or ask a question, or answer a question, as long as I'd have to talk to anyone I wasn't conversant with or walk into a place with an unfamiliar face, it made me nervous. I would walk on the street and feel like everyone was looking at me and I'd miss a step, hoping that no one noticed. Being around people made me itchy. I hate to admit that it gets me scared but that is that That much didn't show though.

And that's why I always avoided situations where I'd be called upon to do anything that wasn't my normal. And although they complained sometimes,and let it slide at other times, family understood. I think so. But I met a hit with my sister.

I had gone to spend sometime with her. So on Sunday too, I went alongside to her church. Rather than go over to the main/adult church, I opted to stay at the teens department. She tried to talk me out of it but when I insisted, she let me have my way.

Why I went to that section was because; first, I don't like crowd and the place(as I had visited a certain time) was always full. All of the numbers get me dizzy. Then the loud music and sound was a no-no.
But importantly, I was avoiding getting some attention. Being noticed as a new face, or getting roped into talking during the young adults/unmarried folks Sunday school service and all of that. Teens section felt like an escape.
But I was wrong.

I got to the teen section to find that it was a mini version of the main section. With the teens handling the programme of event under supervision by some coordinators. I realized there were other young adults like myself who rather than go by the main section chose the place.

For a few Sundays, I had my peace. It was like I wanyed. Just me to myself. Get in, do my thing, and get out noiselessly. Then the attention came. Demands to do this or that which I flatly declined to. I had rifts with my sister, who I should mention was a teen cordinator too, because I declined her demands that I do something or another. I'd rather just be in the audience. Why was it so hard to understand? I got to doing backup for choruses and taking prayers once or twice and that was it. And those I only did because I knew she was hurt that I disobeyed her. Cause that could make the teens around there do same. I hadn't meant it so.

The main issue happened when it was announced that I'd be the one to take the sermon the coming Sunday. Me? I froze at the spot. In my head, I laughed, cause I was to visit my parents home by that weekend and that way, I could evade that assignment.

I went back home glad I had escaped that. Yet, I felt anxious. Very uncomfortable. The morning into Sunday, I could barely sleep well. My heartbeat raced. My sister's church was not so much of a distance from my parents place. All I needed was to take a bus. That morning, without giving myself up, I told my mum about teaching to a couple young persons and she encouraged me.

I got a daily devotional, opened to a passage that I had enjoyed one time and read through it. I didn't know how it's ho but I wanted to go and get the stuff done with.
Okay, I think I need to come out clean here. Truth is, my sister travelled that weekend and I would be more comfortable taking the sermon in her absence. I couldn't totally avoid taking it cause I was to go back to her place once she returned. You get?

I got around to preparing and heading down there. With how the service was going, I thought the supervisor had forgotten about his announcement until he called me up. I was terrified inspite of all the applause and cheers.

This was nothing like saying a short prayer or answering a question. I had to talk to all these young people and speak and encourage them. It made me tremble.

My hands shook, my voice quavered, I had to lean on the pulpit for support. I barely raised my head to look at people's faces. I was confused and fidgety, going through the little jotting I made and barely managing to make sense of the Bible passage we shared. It was difficult. Speaking publicly wasn't something I saw myself doing. I was too afraid to even think to think of it. My sermon was short and I don't know how I got through it.

Relief washed through me when I was done. Some of the teens whom I was cool with gave me their thoughts and observation about the time. I guess it wasn't so bad only I was fixed to a spot. It was only days later that I realized it wasn't as hard as I thought.

Almost negligible but that was the start of something for me. I think I started to do a few things around there, only sparingly. Just in bits. But I guess that helped ease me off around that group.

I don't feel as much fear and shyness around any group anymore. A lot has changed. I was just intentional about certain things in my life and put in some work years after that experience. But I can tell that it helped, somehow.

Thanks for gracing this post.
Greetings!