Something different but close to the same
So yeah, I missed my bus but honestly speaking, I really didn't even want to be on the bus in the first place. The good news is that I'm learning a new route and I'll be using the train for the first time but the bad part is that I'll still meet what I was avoiding.
In hindsight, I probably could have moved with more urgency but I was so tired and my bones don't feel the same. It's amazing what sleep deprivation can do to a person.
The night shift has been brutal for my mind more than my body. Right now, I'm suffering from the effects of a lack of sleep and it's very weird.
My body clock is all messed up and I haven't adjusted to it. It will take a while because I'm also not one to sleep when there's daylight, so that's an additional struggle.
Anyway, since I missed the bus because I wasn't feeling up for it, I'll now be using a different schedule to get to work. My hope is that we get there early enough to catch the train.
Weird Brain
It's been a strange couple of days for me. There's been periods where I experience something akin to an outer body experience.
When I fight the sleep, I literally feel my body shutting down and all my muscles relaxing. Then I suddenly jolt back up to consciousness because my self defence mechanism is activated.
My mind is telling my body that it cannot sleep either while standing, sitting on a bus or washing my face in the toilet. The point is, I won't let me fall asleep and that's good but it's not in my control.
Back at home, the mechanism randomly activated when I'm trying to sleep when I should be sleeping. It then leads to this maddening insomnia.
Then there's also this weird headache that's not really a headache I feel. I'm pretty sure it is triggered by exposure to light and my best guess is that my body needs some down time and it is just fucking sick of all this light. Shutting my eyes is relief but it is frustrating it doesn't lead to sleep.
I don't have trouble sleeping in the light. I learned to sleep during the day when I was in college, taking short naps between classes to make sure I got a total of 8 hours of sleep each day. This way I could stay up to study at night when it's quiet. Somehow knowing there's a timer to wake me up helps me fall asleep because I can let go of thinking. On the rare occasion I can't sleep, it's the thinking that keeps me awake.
However, there are some people who can't fall sleep at all unless it's dark. Have you tried blackout curtains?
Another thing I have noticed with me is that I sometimes get to where I need to reboot. I'm not sleepy, but I find myself with diminished capacity to think or concentrate. And I get that same headache feeling. A quick 30 minute nap (I set a timer) refreshes my mind. Longer than 30 minutes leaves me groggy. There were some days at work I would use my lunch hour to reboot.
Reading this while dozing in broad daylight. I’m yet to experience a time that I’m unable to sleep due to so much tiredness and honestly, I hope it doesn’t happen.
Are you getting a day off anytime soon?
I've had one day off. I'm going to be working tonight.
For what it's worth, it's only because I'm switching to another job. I'd normally have two or three days off.
Hope it gets better soon